The hardest lesson I have learnt transitioning from early to late twenties is the lesson of changing people. People are rapidly changing from when they are born until their early childhood. From early childhood, their fundamental personality will always remain the same more or less. Potentially if a life changing experience or tragedy strikes, then parts of their personality may change. However typically from primary school onward these people are how they are. Painful mistakes I made when I was younger and more naïve was expecting people to act in a certain way. This was because of my false belief that I could change someone. Furthermore, deep down it was because since I gave something then I expected back in return.
As I have grown older and through immense suffering, life has taught me that I can change no one. We as friends, lovers and colleagues can help someone change. We can tell them facts, point out their destruction and lend a helping hand. However, if the said person does not desire to change then there is no chance in hell changing. Any use of force will either result in the opposite or result in temporary change which eventually reverts back to original behavior. Thus, for some people they will be unable to change a thing because their personality isn’t wired for it. Any attempt will either be temporary or be completely against their personality and cause intense suffering.
Perhaps the only way I can change anyone to said behavior is to be an example of it myself. To avoid a life of pain and suffering, I need to let go of expectations of people to behave a certain way. Let go of my attachment to people’s behavior.
The only person I can fully change is myself.
No one else.
Nothing else.
The truth is that by changing myself only then can I change the world.
Everything else is beyond my control.
HH