Relationships are one of the greatest sources of pain in a human being’s life.
In any type of relationship, there are certain expectations that we put the other person under because of the role we label the other person. That role could be parent, friend, business partner, brother, wife, and colleague. We give to others and then we expect. When those expectations are not met, we produce suffering in the form of conflict, anger, anxiety, and jealousy etc. The closer the relationship, the more expectations and thus the more pain we will feel. This emotional pain translates to excruciating physical pain. Hence that’s why heartbreak is one of the most physically and emotionally painful things in a human being’s life.
Society spouts lies on relying on people, relationships, and friendships on loudspeakers 24/7. That having more friends and big friendship groups is good. That socializing with people is good. That it is a bad thing to be single without a partner supporting you in your thirties. That you need to be close to people for support networks. These are harmful lies because it’s promoting need and attachment to others that will only lead to pain.
Examining my own life, it’s my expectations for people which has led me to immense misery and suffering. It was my reliance on people which caused my mental state to be enslaved and change my behaviors towards the other person when they didn’t meet my expectations. From examining my own life, no one in my life could every fully satisfy my expectations. It was either they did so momentarily or soon after disappointed me because they didn’t do what I wanted them to do. This pattern has been repeated countless times with every single relationship in my life. I have come to the realization that no-one can ever fully meet my expectations nor fully give me what I have given them.
Every relationship in my life has only led to pain or needing something from the other person. This wanting could be in the form of love, companionship, business, wanting them to behave a certain way and connections etc.
I am on a quest to freedom thus I realize the only way to escape the pain from relationships is drop all my expectations from people and need nothing from anyone on this earth. I will be completely self-reliant and give with no expectations. I truly realize that this will be a lifelong journey however at least I know the final destination.
The second realization I’ve had in my life is that every relationship is doomed to end. This is because everything is constantly evolving and temporary. No-one will stay by your side forever. No friend will stay beside you forever. My parents and siblings will die, or I will die first. My future partner will die, or I will die first. My future children will look at me differently from when they were young and eventually leave the family home. Relationships which I thought to be important or forever have changed or ended. Every close relationship has changed over time or ended. Some relationships in my life were temporary from the beginning and had to play out in time until it ended. This is nature taking its course. The same course it has taken for every human being throughout history.
Humans hold onto and force certain relationships because they are attached to the other person and/or following untrue beliefs. These relationships cause immense pain and suffering whereas, sometimes the best course of action would be to just end it.
I view the temporary nature of relationships as beautiful because it makes me more enjoy the time, I’m with people because I know in my heart every relationship will end. Even the relationship I have with myself because I’m going to die soon. I’ve become more forgiving. I’m slowly dropping my needs from everyone around me. I’ve accepted in my heart that I will always give more compared to others. I’ve started to give with no expectations because in my heart I know that no-one can give me anything.